Would You Rather: Eat A Pikachu, Or An Eevee?

Welcome to “Would You Fairly”, the place we ask you to select from two (or extra) equally superior/horrible issues, and discover out when you’re within the majority or the minority. After all, you may at all times argue your case within the feedback.

Bienvenue, hungry diners, and welcome to the Nintendo Life restaurant Chez Ninté, the place we’ll be serving up a 14-course meal product of the rarest meats you may ever discover on a menu.

Right this moment, we’re asking the age-old query: which Pokémon would you eat?

For Starters

Enjoyable reality: the Starter Pokémon are literally referred to as “Appetiser Pokémon” within the US. Since we’re setting out a full meal for you, we would as properly begin firstly: which one of many three iconic starter Pokémon do you assume could be probably the most scrumptious?

Charmander might be just a little spicy, and could be fairly good as a curry. Squirtle generally is a pretty turtle soup. Bulbasaur is a helpful all-in-one caesar salad, so long as you add your personal croutons.

The Classics

Not all Pokérestaurants are fancy. Some are simply diners in the course of nowhere, serving up battered Magikarp and chips to the lots. If there have been two widespread, traditional Pokémon to have for lunch, it might most likely be the sequence mascots: Pikachu, and Eevee.

Now, we expect Pikachu may make for an attention-grabbing dish: being a rodent, Ash’s longtime companion would most likely style a bit gamey, like rabbit. Eevee, alternatively, is a creature of indeterminate species, someplace in-between canine, cat, and fox. We won’t say that we all know what any of these style prefer to eat as a meat dish, however we did unintentionally lick a canine as soon as and it tasted like fur.

Which one would you quite Pika-chow down on?

The Steak And Eggs

There are fairly a number of Pokémon which can be already principally analogous to meals we repeatedly eat right here in the actual world, and we won’t spend all day itemizing them or we would by no means have the ability to take the weekend off.

Nonetheless, everybody loves a traditional steak-and-egg breakfast, proper? Sadly, that is “would you quite”, so you may have to select only one: a juicy Miltank mignon, or scrambled Exeggcute? Keep in mind that each are sentient, however Exeggcute is a number of sentient beings as one – though whether or not that is a bonus or a horrifying thought is as much as you.

The Queen’s Forbidden Pantry

Culinary delights the world over have typically concerned some ethically dicey dishes, just like the Ortolan Bunting, which is drowned in Armagnac, roasted, after which eaten entire, because the diner covers their head with a material with a purpose to not be seen by God. We do not doubt that there are some corners of Kanto with equally unlawful traditions, however because the Pokémon video games have by no means actually lined meals crimes, now we have to think about our personal.

And what could possibly be extra unlawful than consuming animals protected by the Queen herself? The swan is an apparent one, however we won’t think about the Queen could be too pleased about some random Pokémon coach chopping up a corgi, both. Which one of many Queen’s pets do you assume would style one of the best?

Prepared Meals

Generally you do not wish to fuss round with chopping greens and deboning fish – you simply wish to pop into Tesco and seize one thing tasty that another person made. Excellent news: the Pokédex has you lined.

Tangela is principally a pre-sauced spaghetti dish, and all it’s worthwhile to do with Unown is seize a bunch of them and increase, you’ve got principally bought a bowl of alphabet pasta. Certain, you may need to cope with the truth that each have eyeballs, however would not that simply add to the flavour?

Spherical

What is that this class? Spherical animals. What does that must do with meals? Nicely, in the actual world, we do not actually have spherical, edible animals. They’re principally form of horse-shaped. There’s one thing vaguely thrilling concerning the prospect of consuming an enormous spherical steak minimize from a spherical creature – or maybe having one roasted entire, like a pig.

By no means thoughts that each Jigglypuff and Rowlet are very cute. You’ve got come this far, and eaten 5 different cute animals. They may have been somebody’s pet.

Consuming Kids

You’ve got crossed the road now, and also you’re positively going to Hell, so here is a query: when you needed to eat a child, which child would you eat?

Not an actual child, thoughts you. That is very murdery and a nasty crime. A Pokémon child, although, that is honest sport, as a result of they’re simply pixels on a display screen, and that is all a thought train, and please do not ship the police after us. So, we ask you: Happiny, or Togepi? Please keep in mind that their mother and father might or might not come after you, if that is an element.

Is It Vegan?

We’re probably not positive how veganism works in a world the place the crops have faces, however when you can abdomen it, there are some fairly good veggies within the Pokémon world.

Oddish is principally a radish. A radish you may be pals with, sure, however a radish nonetheless. And Bellsprout? Beansprout. You may choose a stuffed Weepinbell pepper, however that is the salad part, so you may must cope with consuming the boring Pokémon, sorry.

Legendary Delicacies

We may have had any of the legendaries face off on this part – Regice has at all times appeared rather a lot like a tasty ice lolly to us, and we reckon Sort:Null would style a bit like every part without delay – however contemplating how infuriating it was to attempt to catch the Legendary Canines in Pokémon Gold and Silver, we wish to eat them principally as revenge.

However which one of many trio is probably the most scrumptious? We guess Entei tastes like spaghetti and meatballs, Raikou tastes like a katsu curry, and Suicune tastes like jelly.

The Problem

You guess that the Pokémon world has these “are you able to eat this” challenges, similar to the actual world – besides, as a substitute of a extremely massive pizza or a really spicy burger, it is “a Pokémon greater than your home”.

Wailord is an entire lotta fish to eat, however we would additionally like to know what Alolan Exeggcutor neck tastes like. Plus, you’d get to brag that you simply ate a tree.

Mainly Cannibalism

We have already spoken a bit about crimes towards humanity (consuming infants, scoffing the Queen’s pets) however how concerning the largest crime of all: consuming humanity itself? Certain, technically these two aren’t truly human, however they’re human sufficient to make it a bit bizarre.

There’s additionally the additional angle that each these Pokémon are just a little too uncomfortably, er, horny. We’re not saying we expect that, however we’re saying the designers positively did.

Eat God

There is not actually a faith in Pokémon, however each of those Pokémon – one pure, one man-made – are principally gods. And would not you like to eat God?

We swear, this text started as “which Pokémon could be tastiest” and now it is simply descending into “WOULDST THOU LIKE TO EAT GOD”, but when a god-animal existed in the actual world, we would ask if it went properly with gravy.

The Dessert

You’ve got simply killed and eaten a bunch of pets, however your starvation isn’t happy. Fortunately for you, you monster, there are a number of Pokémon which can be principally already product of pudding, which implies that you may’t actually be blamed for locating them scrumptious. If a real-world animal developed to appear like a lemon meringue pie, then it is not doing an excellent job of surviving, is it?

Should you can handle to suit just a bit extra Pokéfood down your gullet, maybe you’d take pleasure in a whipped cream Alcremie (which is available in a number of flavours) or an ice cream Vanillite (improve to a Vanillish for simply £2)?

Espresso Earlier than You Go?

That is a kind of fancy eating places the place they give you just a little espresso or a mint tea with dessert, despite the fact that it is 11pm and also you want to fall asleep as quickly as you get residence.

Though a stunning Ditto milkshake would most likely style fairly good (simply inform Ditto to show right into a strawberry earlier than you pop it within the blender) we’re going with two apparent liquids proper right here to spherical off a stunning meal: a pleasant glass of Milcery, or a cuppa Polteageist?

Thanks for becoming a member of us for this morality-testing meal. Please clarify yourselves within the feedback beneath.